What can you do when a co-worker is either the victim of
or witness to a traumatic event? You may feel awkward or embarrassed. You may
have your own feelings about the event that are difficult to resolve. Most of
all, you may simply feel that you don't know what to say. The tips below may
help you formulate a response that shows your co-worker that you care and want
to be supportive.
·
Acknowledge the event.
Pretending that nothing happened may seem like the easiest thing to do, but it
won't help affected individuals recover. You may want to acknowledge the event
with a small ritual, such as sending flowers or making a donation.
·
Don't ask questions; just listen.
Asking detailed questions about what happened usually comes across as ghoulish
and instrusive. If your co-worker wants to talk about the event, just listen. He
or she may repeat the details many times; this is often an important part of
healing. But if he or she is not ready to talk about it, don't push.
·
Offer long term emotional support.
It takes longer to recover from a trauma than most people realize. For instance,
a year might seem like enough tim to "get over it", yet the first anniversary is
often very difficult for people.
·
Become involved in the re-entry process.
When your
co-worker returns to work, you will have natural concerns about his or her
ability to work, how he or she will look, whether he or she will want to talk
about the event, etc. If appropriate, get involved in planning for your
co-worker's return.
·
Offer practical support.
Instaed of the catch-all,
"If there's anything I can do...", offer to do specific things such as give
rides to and from work, run errands, pick up part of their workload, watch their
children, or other favors.
·
Watch for signs of abnormal reactions.
Behavior
that would usually be considered strange is quite normal at a time like this:
irrational anger, crying spells, a period of seeming to be okay followed by a
relapse, etc. But if your co-worker seems to be seriously disturbed, if the
symptoms go on for weeks, and if he/she is not involved in counseling, then the
CISM Team or EAP Counselor may need to get involved to help the individual.
What to say:
·
"Would you like to talk
about it?"
·
"This must be very
painful for you"
·
"Don't worry about work
while you're gone; we'll manage without you."
·
"We're glad to have you
back."
What not to say:
·
"I understand how you
feel" (You may think you do, but to a victim, his/her pain is unique)
·
"What happened? You'll
feel better if you talk about it."
·
"When this happened to
me..." (Even if you had an identical experience, your co-workers need to talk
about his/her own trauma is probably greater than the need to listen to other
people's experiences.)